Knocking at my window.

Last night my world was upside down. My husband of three years, Jim told me in more words or less he was not going to let me go. This was all of the sudden.
For a while now, Jim has known that I am still in love with a Man from my past. He is my Romeo, the boy who knocked at my window the summer I was fourteen and told me he would always love me. 
His name is Joe. He was my first love and we never kissed or anytihng. The closest he got was laying next to me on a bed in front of a TV. We were both fully clothed and my Mom was keeping a vigil eye on us. I knew I loved him the moment I first saw him which seems so silly. We spent the entire summer practically joint at the hip.
Right before school started, Joe was at my window knocking at three in the morning. My parents caught him before I could open the window to let him in. It is good in a way because there is no doubt in my mind that that night would have resulted in a teenage pregnancy that i was not ready for. The next morning my parents had forbidden me from seeing Joe and gave me all sorts of ultimatums and nailed my window shut. I fought and saw him in secret every chance I had.
When school began and the Indian summer faded away he made friends in a not so good crowd. We drifted apart a little because I felt like he was different.
Not long after school began Joe asked me out on a date my mom was there and told me that there was no way I could go. I pushed Joe away as hard as I could that day. I was so angry and knew that if he asked me again I couldn't say no and but I was still a child.
Not long after that day Joe disappeared from school and I was never able to make contact with him again.
I found out less than a year ago that Joe did some stupid things and to this day he sits in prison 15 years later. I began writing him as soon as I found him. I have never stopped loving him and he has never stopped loving me! Each time we write each other or I go to visit him that love grows stronger. This is not something a married Woman should be doing. I knew the first time I wrote him where this would go.
Now, Joe gets out of prison in ten months and I have a husband who thigns are less than perfect with, but we love each other. I am the horriable woman who also loves another man and wants to leave.

Where do I begin?

I am just some woman pushing thirty who is in a love triangle. I guess I am more than just some woman to many. I am a Mom to four beautiful chidlren and step mom to three others. I will get into the details of that later. I am a loving wife to my husband but even that is not so simple. Yesterday, was our three year anniversary. It was not so happy. At least he text-ed me wishing me a happy anniversary. I am also the girlfriend of a man who is in prison. That man was my first love and he still has more of my heart than I can admit to most. I work two jobs, one part time with a non profit that will remain nameless and then I am a cam girl on an adult site. I am writing a book which i am currently stuck on and decided I would try writing a bit differently for now and see how this goes. So, I guess I am not just some woman. But to most I am just a lady with a bunch of kids who looks like she should be on the PTA.
My life is full of secrets and complications. other than my boyfriend in prison, no one knows me and it is getting lonely.